The Most Hated Personality Type

Meet the universally despised personality type ... no, not Psychopaths, but Gaians. It's characterized by nicheism and cronyism, its only (and secret) claim to fame is corruption. Its superpower is doing nothing and the goal of all Gaians is to achieve nothing. They can turn the world upside down, but only if it was inevitable anyways and their own actions really amounted to nothing in retrospect. Being nothing and doing nothing is comforting to them. Status quo ante is their motto.

Their dread fear is to die. And disease and the undead, so obviously not real fears in the modern world. They will do anything for survival and for others' survival, even puppies' and whales' survival, so that having survived, the animals can go on to do nothing. And in their view, animals are equally deserving of survival precisely because animals are equally capable of doing and achieving nothing in between their eating and fucking. And sleeping and dreaming incoherently.

Eating and fucking are all that Gaians do beyond ensuring survival so they can eat and fuck some more. Gaians will turn the world upside down and then right-side up again to ensure their survival, preferably coinciding with the 24 hour daily cycle so that it's indistinguishable from the motion of the Earth. Gaians LOVE automation because automation is about doing the least effort so you can make no effort.

Gaians also love efficiency. And they love effortless ease, also known as "naturalness". What could be more efficient than achieving zero effort? What could be more automated than setting the Earth spinning so it has motion (thus asserting its existence, its survival) while forevermore doing nothing to move it? Because of rotational momentum, spinning is natural motion, and everything in nature is awesome, even malaria bearing mosquitoes. Because nature takes no maintenance.

Gaians do not believe in personality types, so if you believe in personality types then this doesn't describe you. And if you believe this description can't possibly be about you because there are no personality types, or because nobody would ever admit to (insert whatever), or because "human minds are too complex to understand" then it totally is about you.

What Gaians DO believe in is tokenism. Whenever they make a team or a fellowship, there will always be one token black man, one token asian, one token woman, one token nerd, one token enemy. (Or, one air-bender, one water-bender, one-earth-bender, and one fire-bender from the enemy nation, and even one magicless person.) If Hollywood hires token black men as magical negroes, that's good enough. If the government raises minimum wage by 1 cent, that's good enough. If they protest something that makes them feel guilty for their race and privilege, that's good enough. Results don't matter, the token action does!

Gaians have a casual relation to the truth. They will lie and lie easily, not because they believe that lying is fun but in order to avoid friction and appease people and otherwise do the least amount necessary. That's why nobody trusts them, even though Gaians want to be trusted by everyone. And why even pathological liars despise them, because the lies of pathological liars have a structure discernable to them, and are meant to achieve something always, whereas Gaians wish to achieve nothing.

Moralists despise Gaians for their corruption, for their apathy and indifference to society and groups and standards. Anarchists despise Gaians for ... their corruption, and their conspiracism. Whenever anarchists decry "elitists" they mean Gaians even though Gaians aren't elitists and Anarchists ARE elitists.

What the anarchists really hate and mean by "elitism" is conspiracism, they loathe and despise that, but often don't have the right word for it so they substitute the nearest concept they DO understand, and well Anarchists love to contradict themselves so they don't mind using a word they love to condemn others with. So long as you sort of know what Anarchists mean (group elitism = castes are loathesome) and subconsciously distinguish it from themselves (individual elitism) then that's good enough. And yes, castes are a Gaian concept, and India is ultra-Gaian.

Right-wing authoritarians hate Gaians ... for their corruption. For compromising, for giving way, for being flexible. Also for lying all the time. RWAs lies are to please the establishment and their superiors, they are not dysfunctional lies to please whoever's nearby. They are lapdog lies, not doormat lies. And everyone knows being a doormat is loathesome. So is conspiracy and lack of forthrightness.

Narcissists hate Gaians ... no, not for corruption. Narcissists are nepotists, they believe Gaians AREN'T CORRUPT ENOUGH. But mostly they hate Gaians for being doormats, for being slaves. Oh sure, Narcissists LOVE slavery and love taking slaves and having slaves, but that doesn't mean they actually RESPECT those slaves now, does it? Slaves, like toilets, are useful, that doesn't mean you respect them. Incidentally, Gaians are the only non-Evil personality type that believes in slavery. Due to corruption which is their defining attribute.

Psychopaths hate Gaians for not being free. And well I don't know what else but I'm damned sure psychopaths hate Gaians. Oh yeah, because of the inaction and lack of killing and the obsession with survival. Even the obsession Gaians have for claiming that personality types don't exist and that everyone else is exactly like them, grates on psychopaths. Hell, psychopaths have more empathy than Gaians because psychopaths admit there are non-psychopaths. Gaians claim that EVERYONE values survival at any cost, even psychopaths, and that it's a lie lie lie that psychopaths value murder more.

Incidentally, why is it that Gaians are the most despised personality type when psychopaths are despised by everyone? Ahhh, but that latter claim is NOT TRUE because GAIANS don't despise psychopaths! Gaians LOVE monsters, so long as they're USEFUL monsters. Gaians love the idea of TAMING monsters. They think psychopaths can be tamed. Hell, Doctor Robert Hare believed exactly this and spent his entire life trying, to no effect of course, the idiot. Oh but as a good Gaian, achieving nothing is validation of his life's choices, there is no higher ambition he could have aspired to.

Everyone loathes Gaians and with good reason. It's part of why I loathe Gaians. As well as them being massive hypocrites who claim to have integrity but have none, who claim to have empathy but have none. who claim to be smart bub really be idiots, who claim to be humble but are arrogant as fuck. Gaians are the opposite of everything they claim. It's because they're niche-ists (everyone in their home and a home for everyone) and they always claim their "virtues" in relation to someone worse than them, and there always are people better than them, at absolutely everything.

Gaians claim to be humble because they're more humble than Narcissists, but Moralists are infinitely more humble than Gaians. Oh except Gaians claim to be more humble than Moralists because Moralists are holier than thou and go around SMITING evil. Gaians claim to be empathetic ... again compared to Narcissists, but well there's a personality type called Empaths. Except Gaians claim to be more empathetic than THEM too. Gaians claim to be smart and knowledgeable except ... gah! It's the same story over and over again for every single last trait Gaians claim to have.

Gaians are elves (and elves Gaians), they're better at everything, even the things you do better, because your notion of better is un-Gaian so can't possibly count. Plus, understanding other personality types and other people's point of view and other people's metrics takes EFFORT, and we can't have that, can we?

I know hundreds of different tells of Gaian, which I made sure to learn so one of this most despicable of all kinds couldn't sneak up on me and waste my time. And they do so love to do that since wasting time is doing nothing, and since everyone is a Gaian in their mind, you should be happy to waste time with them!

If I learned all this to protect myself from scum, you can too! To give you a head start, Gaians love having useful friends and contacts, and prize loyalty (their own and others). This is cronyism.

They also love schizoprenia since it's like being lost in dreams that intrude upon reality. If you see someone not-loathe schizophrenia (eg, they stop taking their meds) or make excuses for it being not as bad as psychopathy, then it's likely they're Gaians.

Their drug of choice is tobacco and heroin. Not that this is very reliable but anyways. Why? Because heroin makes you happy, and being happy while doing nothing (or grinding mindlessly) is the ultimate goal of every Gaian.

Another love of theirs is sensationalism. Reading the National Enquirer or going to a homeopath isn't a dead giveaway of a Gaian, but actively defending those practices? "Why do you have to ruin my fun with your stodgy truth." Very high indicator.

Yet another tell is worshiping the internet as a god. Not acknowledging that it's a god (omnipresent and omnipotent and omniscient) or being bitter about it, no, HAPPILY worshiping it as a god. If you see anyone do that ("let's put it on the internet! that's sure to make anything better!") then you've got a Gaian. Why? Because the Internet connects everyone. Like the Force except it isn't used by Jedi to enforce a monarchy so the internet isn't Evil.

Gaians worship wheels and circles because they move endlessly nowhere, always coming right back to their starting point. So, Wheel of Time and Circle of Time. Time isn't circular, WTF, obviously someone's catering to their own ego. Circle of Life where you're born, eat, reproduce and get eaten. Breeding is Gaian too, but raising children isn't since well, that takes extreme effort.

Gaians also worship dragons. I couldn't figure out why since dragons are monsters (psychopathic) and come in all colors of the rainbow (so are gay), but then again, dragons are best known for eating and lazing in the sun all day. So ... dragons do nothing. Also, dragons in AD&D fuck and breed with every other species. I did mention bestiality, didn't I? Add voyeurism, swinging and orgies to the mix.

Most psychologists are Gaians. If a psychologist wants you to be normal or average or up to standards then they're a Moralist. But if they want you to be productive and happy with yourself for no reason then they're a Gaian. Pretty much every other personality type despises psychologists so you'll only have those two. The notion of a psychopathic psychologist like Hannibal Lector is ludicrous. Yes you heard right, most psychologists don't believe in personality types.

Now, void and nothingness and space ARE NOT Gaian, they're right-wing authoritarian. Gaians want to DO nothing and ACHIEVE nothing, they don't want to BE nothing the way RWAs do. RWAs worship death because the dead know nothing, are nothing, and of course are ancient and obsolete. Whereas death is anathema to Gaians, Life is what they cherish, even dark life = non-photosynthetic life = fungi = rot = Corruption. Yes Virginia, it all makes a sick amount of sense.

Gaians worship mushroom management. "Keep them in the dark and feed them shit". Dumbledore's style of management, which is corrupt as all hell. The style of management where you have a secretive inner circle that controls and puppetmasters everything while doing the least amount possible in order to stay on top and ensure its own survival.

Extend that management type over generations and you have a caste system. A system where you and your cronies and your families end up in a high-survival niche while everyone else (eg, Untouchables) also ends up in their own niche, where they're meant to stay forever. Or at least until their biomatter gets recycled by the great Cycle of Reincarnation.

(Fairness? Equality? Those sound like principles and ideals. Can't possibly have those because they sound like EFFORT that stand in the way of corruption! How dare you be so arrogant as to practice ideals and principles around a Gaian?! And don't you know that Gaians are twice as humble as thou art. Because doing nothing is the ultimate humility. Isn't it humble to know that nothing you can do can be better than nothing? That everything you achieve is meaningless? So give up on that fairness and equality!)

Going back to caste systems, Gaians worship personal lineage and PERSONAL history. Other personality types worship collective history, and still others don't give a fuck about history. But Gaians worship personal lines of descent and genealogy. Only Narcissists do too so if you have someone who does but isn't in favor of mind control or eager to enslave others and break them to their will, then you've got a Gaian.

Gaians also worship trees. Genealogy is always depicted as trees even though tapestries is vastly more accurate, because it caters to Gaians who love trees and dislike tapestries. Why? Because trees are plants and plants ACHIEVE NOTHING.

Plants do nothing but drink and eat and breed. The Gaian ideals! Gaians are vegetarians because you are what you eat and if you eat fat you'll be fat, if you eat chocolate then you'll become chocolate, and if you eat plants then hopefully, God willing, you'll become a plant! Doing nothing all day, not even thinking! Mmm, mmm mmm, it does a Gaian good.

Gaians like to have their fingers in every pie, it's part and parcel of fucking anything that moves (every race, every creed = pantheism, every belief = syncretism, every species = zooeroticism, dogs, horses, every job, jack of all trades and animal lover = PETA), so it's an absolute certainty that there is a Gaian near you, secretly lording it over you for having and being true to your personality type, for having principles and ideals. Because corruption wins! And for the corruption!!