Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Average, Lazy, Fat and Crazy

Most people when they think of Gaians think of treehugging druids or greenpeace or hippies or pacifists or Gandhi. And what the fuck could be wrong with that? Just average, fat, lazy self-satisfied smug assholes out to wreck progress and industrial technology wherever they can find it for the rest of humanity. But that's not what Gaians are when the brass tacks are down, not at all.

What are Gaians when things go bad for them? Think of Scion in Worm Serial Novel. Not a giant space whale placidly eating space plankton but a giant fucking worm eating thousands of inhabited planet Earths in one gulp. Caring only about eating, fucking and breeding. Think of Galactus eating planets to satiate his hunger. Think of Lolth the "evil" demonic queen of spiders and goddess of evil sadistic elves. THOSE are Gaians.

You'll find plenty of Gaians that defend Scion as a wonderfully "alien" intelligence with an oh so wonderful biology that lets it control every single part of its body. Including liquefying its brain because hey thinking and minds are optional, and NOT necessary for eating, fucking OR breeding. To them, Scion doesn't have an inferior animal intelligence and the maturity of a crying infant throwing a temper tantrum, no it is a superior "alien" intelligence.

BUT of course the Gaians will hasten to add, their awe of Scion ends at his BIOLOGY and they don't approve of his ACTIONS. Because if THEY were giant space worms, they wouldn't do anything so stupid as to anger or make enemies of the tiny little insects who are going to be their gourmet lunch, would they? Ahh problem with that is Scion lost his lover, and when Gaians like Kelly Clarkson lose their lovers then they go CRAAAAAZY.

Just watch the crazy fucking bitch breaking up her ex's wedding just because he dumped her. Pink of course does even worse in her own video, but the difference is she isn't a Gaian thus she's parodying being crazy whereas Kelly Clarkson is dead fucking serious. I mean fuck, I don't think anyone can sympathize with an axe murderer in clown makeup or will excuse her or bemoan her getting dragged out in a straightjacket and handcuffs. That's a parody, not the self-indulgent crap Gaians put out!

There's more evidence, like the fact Pink is self-aware ("how did I become so obnoxious?") and knows she'll never get any sympathy and knows she's acting badly. Whereas Kelly Clarkson is totally dead seriously "just expressing her feelings" aka "just expressing her insanity". Where Pink knows that going crazy is totally wrong and considers the idea so trite and obvious she proceeds to joke about it, I imagine Kelly Clarkson standing with an idiotic, confused and befuddled expression on her stupid face at the suggestion that she has no right to be crazy.

But HEY hehe, Kelly Clarkson's CRAZY. Hell, she says so herself! A total emotional breakdown! She can't be held responsible for her actions! Nobody can be held responsible for their actions while CRAZY, can they? Ahh, but Gaians are also the only ones who say "there's nothing wrong with being average, lazy, fat or crazy". Everyone is "entitled" to their little insane nutso psychotic moments, aren't they? As I already said, fuck no!

In fact, it's a notion for which Moralists would greet you with a flaming lit torch and a can of petrol for even uttering it ever since King David decided to exterminate all the schizophrenics, psychotics, and lunatics in the Bible. And well done it was! Well done! I only wish there were more such extermination programs. The murder and murder-suicide rates would plummet. Oops, apparently, nobody but other Gaians agrees that insanity is some kind of entitlement.

(In fact, going crazy aka going Gaian, is the Moralists' worst nightmare. A fate worse than death! It's the reason why Moralists hate alcohol and why the Roman Catholic Church is still vigorously against stupefying drugs. Drugs that induce stupor and especially drugs that can't be regulated to prevent stupefying effects from kicking in. So yes kiddies, the RC Church would give a pass to cannabis if only they'd ever experienced its precise effects, which they haven't of course.)

So apparently, Scion planet-eater, is exactly what Gaians believe is the epitome of correct action, correct behavior, and overall what it means to be a Gaian, in either fat & lazy or crazy circumstances. Keep that in mind the next time the stupidly grinning image of a hippy or treehugger comes to mind. Keep in mind the demonic queen of spiders who created an entire tortured race by corrupting elves just so as to save her own fucking skin.

You believe the Demon Queen of Spiders is Evil? Fuck no! She isn't regimenting Evil Elf society like a Nazi. She isn't conducting pogroms, extermination campaigns, medical experiments, or even secret police. Nor is she destroying for the sake of pleasure the way any psychopath does, like Dexter Morgan and Daredevil and Willow Rosenberg or Joss Whedon for that matter. Nor is she doing everything for her own advantage or to increase her power or to spread her own legend. She's got her hole in the Underdark and she likes it and is maintaining it, and that's it. The evil elves are simply her hoard of gold and she its dragon since as a goddess, living souls are her treasure.

Lolth like any insect queen wants to lay back, eat, fuck and breed. She wants to be taken care of and cleaned and fed like any humongous bloated termite queen. She wants to be fucked and bred. Except ... she's fugly. And her chosen way of survival, corrupting a race of elves into becoming sadistic torturers so that she was their one and only goddess, is so anathema, disgusting and repulsive to everyone else and so gods-damned loooonely, that that that ... she's liable to go fucking CRAAAAZY!

Can you imagine fucking Lolth? Can you imagine anyone doing it? Can you imagine HER letting ANYONE do it without checking 50 thousand times for hidden knives, clubs, swords, darts, poison, neurotoxin, venom, and hidden spells? Her survival matters more to her than a good fuck, or even a great fuck, or even an enormous series of long fucks with a really huge dick. BUT without being fucked, as a Gaian, she's condemned herself to a miserable existence. And she'll take out her feelings on everyone around her, because ... that's what Gaians DO.

Happy well-fucked Gaians do nothing but suck up resources and take up space. Unhappy Gaians destroy the world. It's why in Gaian writers' stories, powerful characters always nervously joke about breaking the world as they stockpile technologies and magical artifacts that would utterly annihilate it. Because they know, one day, eventually, at some point, the wheel will turn and turn again, and the great Circle of Life will be ended for them and they'll ... go crazy!

No, none of this makes any sense, and every last bit of it violates every shred of logic, good sense and common sense in existence. But so what? I'm talking about Gaians here, who live their entire lives by conforming to arbitrary rules like fucking autistics. And the rules SAY quite explicitly:

To everything, turn, turn, turn.
There is a season, turn, turn, turn.
And a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time to be born, a time (for you) to die.
A time to plant, a time to reap.
A time (for me to) kill, a time to heal.
A time to laugh, a time (for me) to weep (like a fucking baby).
Beware the Gaians' precious emo selves, it's right next door to them going craaaaazy.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Richard,
The fluoride in the water and all the chemicals that government and corporations poison us with explains this a lot better than you might think. Along with the toxic culture. If you were born anything other than upper class in America, well...